19-year-old protests when boyfriend takes her to birthday dinner and expects her to pay for it: 'I pay for all our dates'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 10, 2025 9:00 AM EST

Whether they realize it or not, most people look for generosity in a partner.

This isn't always about finances; quite often, what is most important is that their special someone is generous in the time and effort that they put into making the relationship a worthwhile one. However, money matters can also play a significant role. Unless there is some kind of agreement in place, nobody wants to be with a freeloader.

Unfortunately, this fear that many have of being used for their resources is often realized in the form of a partner who goes out of their way to make sure they never foot the bill. This goes much further than the discourse of who should pay on the first date. Many create problems in their relationship because they refuse to make the financial contribution that their other half would like them to. It's hard to feel cared for in this instance.

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  • a young man and woman sit at a table with two burgers on it, drinking a milkshake from the same container
    via Eduardo Ramos (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

     


     

  • In this story, a young woman was upset on her birthday after she ended up paying for the birthday meal that her boyfriend had taken her out for. She had told him that she didn't know what she wanted for her birthday, leading him to say that we would pick her up and take her out to eat.

    However, she ended up paying when the check came, as he was unsure how much money he had on his card. This annoyed her, as she usually paid for their dates and felt like this stopped the celebration from feeling special. She wanted a second opinion on if her feelings were justified.

  • AIO for being upset that I had to pay for my birthday dinner that I was invited out to?

    this just happened tonight and I'm a little conflicted, I (19) was asked by my boyfriend (18)what I wanted for my birthday. I told him I didn't know and I was fine with anything (genuinely true I didn't need a gift or anything) so he tells me he'll come out to my place and take me to dinner where ever I wanted to go, (we did the same thing for his birthday) I chose chilis, and
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • for a bit of context I'm always paying for our trips out because I'm the one that asks if he wants to go (seems fair to me since I'm offering) so I pay for all our dates which I don't mind. this is the first time he's offered to take me out since it's my birthday, neither of us got anything super expensive and my only
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • a woman's hands pass a burger to a man's hands over a table that has burgers and fries on it
    via Eduardo Ramos (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

     

  • stipulation was that we get lava cake. At the end I end up paying the whole bill because he wasn't sure how much money he had on his card and ended up eating most of my cake (>:( not the issue I'm just being funny). anyways I didn't say anything but I'm kinda upset that even in my birthday I ended up paying for
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • everything which ended up using the money I got for my birthday from others. I guess I'm jsut upset that it feels like it's jsut another thing I planned and didn't feel special for my birthday.
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • a man closes his eyes as he takes a bite of a burger
    via Eduardo Ramos (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • FennelPowerful2686 so his gift to you was having you pay for your birthday dinner with your birthday money and eating your cake? NOR. let him know how you feel please this is messed up
    via FennelPowerful2686
  • OP TheEevee Leader I will, I don't think he had I'll intent but it sucks because he knows I wouldn't do that to him if it was his birthday
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • MiissyB NOR. You definitely shouldn't have had to pay for your birthday dinner that's crazy.. I would mention this to him and tell him to get his own lava cake.
    via MiissyB
  • OP TheEeveeLeader I will he didn't have I'll intent, but he had no right eating 3/4 of my damn cake
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • Pokeynono My younger teenager wouldn't dream of not paying for his GF's dinner on her birthday. Your BF is a leech and you have allowed it by paying for everything every time you go out. Why are you expecting him to change? Have you ever asked him why he doesn't pay for meals etc and just expects you to cover him? You know this is going to continue? Does he buy you presents? Do you think he's going to buy you a Christmas present? What does he bring to the relationship? Your NOR. In fact why aren
    via Pokeynono
  • OP TheEeveeLeader We used to fight over the bill, then we used to spilt costs, he stopped fighting me on it, I'm not sure why he hasn't planned anything himself, I'm talked to him about how it make me feel. I'm accustomed to that since I'm asking a person to go to do something I pay for it which I think it reasonable or I ask them if they're okay footing an expense especially if I know they have financial issues, He has a job and I talked to him about how this made me feel and his answer was kin
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • NOR Pink-Champagne-Girl It is one day he should of paid. And don't let his I don't know if I have enough money slide. He knew when your birthday was in advance right? Why didn't he save minimum 100 to take you out? I'm sure it wasn't even 100 to go out? Your birthday and he ate your dessert and you paid for it. Definitely not Overreacting!
    via Pink-Champagne-Girl
  • OP TheEeveeLeader He did funny enough he actually didn't know when my h birthday was until I meantiomed it a few months ago H
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • seleroyal Why be with someone that never treats you special?
    via seleroyal
  • Familiar Drama_9195 Your boyfriend is a leech. Is it always like this? Like seriously what does he bring to the relationship and financial stress is not a good one
    via Familiar_Drama_9195
  • OP TheEeveeLeader He actually does help me with all of my car trouble and save me a lot of money, but he sucks at understanding sentimentality, his response to my upset mess was very lackluster
    via TheEeveeLeader
  • Ok_Ant_9815 NOR. I was absolutely pissed when I went out for my birthday with my ex and he didn't have enough to cover dinner so I had to run out to the car and pay myself. So humiliating.
    via Ok_Ant_9815

  • She expressed her feelings to him.

    UPDATE- i told him how I felt over a phone call and u don't think he grasped how much it actually hurt my feelings, got more of a lack excuse (Not in a minipulative way more of a (this dude has no idea what he's doing) way )five days is our anniversary so it's up to him to plan this time or nothings happening!
    via TheEeveeLeader

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